Roel Conversation
by SisiDraig
Summary: Just a stupid one shot I did because I’m ill and have had to lie on the sofa all day. Basically, a poor girls attempt at a possible conversation Russell Brand and Noel Fielding may have before performing as ‘The Goth Detectives’. Madness personified! xx


**Just a stupid thing that I did because I'm ill L and have had to lie on the sofa all day. It made me chuckle but that's because I have a deluded sense of humour. It's basically an attempt at a possible conversation Russell Brand and Noel Fielding may have before performing as 'The Goth Detectives'. I am in no way claiming to be able to use words in the same way Noel and Russell can. If I'm as funny as either of their little toes I would have to assume I was doing rather well J. I know this it more Goth Detectives than Mighty Boosh but both are good.**

**Don't judge too harshly - or I'll play the 'ill card'. Only joking I'm interested to hear what you think though.**

**RUSSELL SPEAKS FIRST! And his words are in italics.**

* * *

_"You alright mate?"_

"Yeah."

_"How's Julian?"_

"Ah you know."

_"Well **no** I don't. 'Cause you failed to tell me."_

"He's fine."

_"Just fine?"_

"Yeah, he's been to the centre of London, I think he's high on petrol fumes."

_"Well, that's no fun. Tell him he wants to get high he needs to do heroin - Don't do drugs, drugs are bad."_

"I'll let him know."

_"How about a drinky-poos before we go and explore the realms of our dressing room?"_

"Uh yeah sure."

_"Where's your bag?"_

"Ummm, one of the staff took it down already."

_"Aha, monkey slaves were it? I've had reservations about this establishment for sometime."_

"They **were** like monkeys…but they had orange eyes and hands made of wheat."

_"Intriguing. That must have made it difficult for them when they tried to carry your unnecessarily oversized bag."_

"Not really, they put it in a red papoose on their backs. Clashed horribly with their orange eyes though. I didn't really like them. They had haunted eyes, like the eyes of a old Romanian woman who's seen too much. They made me feel a bit strange. They might have been plotting something."

_"A revolution perhaps in which these strange beings take over this dirty little circle we call earth demoting us homosapians to third in the food chain."_

"Third?"

_"Yeah, I have a sneaking suspicion that ant's are already the true overlords of the earth."_

"So ant's are actually the rulers of the earth? And we're just sort of puppets, acting on behalf of the ants."

_"That's right mate."_

"Oh, I don't like that. I killed an ant once… with a magnifying glass and a packet of Quavers."

_"How exactly did the Quavers feature in the killing of the ant?"_

"I don't know… I think I was just eating them."

_"Well that was a stupid thing to do."_

"I know that now, what with all this business with ant's being the true leaders of earth."

_"Yes, Noel. You should be careful as I think it's very likely an ant will one day kill you with a magnifying glass…"_

"..and a packet of Quavers."

_"No - Wotsits!"_

"Obviously."

_"They've got long memories, ants."_

"I though they were like fish, really short memories."

_"Oh well in that case you'll probably be fine."_

"Yeah, they'd have forgotten who I was by now… like the rest of Britain in a few years time."

_"Don't be silly they'll remember you as 'remember that bloke with the long hair and the cape - what was his name? Joel wasn't it. Yeah Joel Shield-him. I liked him' "_

"Oh good. I was thinking I'd have been forgotten."

_"Never. This revolution will cement you in the history books."_

"It will."

_"And who'd have thought this glorious and dare I say Godly revolution would be started back stage in Lyceum theatre by wheat-handed, orange-eyed monkey slaves wearing papoose's?"_

"And ants."

_"Exaclty. Dan't forget the ants they'll be after you with lethal packets of Wotsits."_

"Socrates would have probably foreseen this revolution."

_"You're right mate. He would have. He foresaw everything that guy. Often - in absurdly vague detail though."_

"Yeah."

_"Often 'I see change on the horizon' was held to something much more significant than it was - a prediction of the sunrise."_

"I could predict that."

_"Oh, a philosopher now are you?"_

"Well…I dabble in philosophy… every other Tuesday… when it rains."

_"You heard it hear first Britain. Noel Fielding; not only a comedic genius but also a philosopher."_

"Socrates 2 they call me."

_"Really? I've never heard them call you that."_

"Yeah, well… the 'they' referred to a couple of chavs who live in the Forest of Dean.."

_"Do you think, perhaps, you could predict tonight's events?"_

"I could… but I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise."

_"Ah clever, because if you told people was going to happen, then they wouldn't come to the show - what would be the point?"_

"Anyway, if I'm honest with you I can only predict the futures of Belgian eagles."

_"I'm not sure I can find you one of those. Could you possibly make do with a wheat-handed, oranged-eyed monkey slave. I hear they have them with in the parameter of this building."_

"Oh, I can't do monkeys. I might be able to stretch to blind pigeons."

_"Blind pigeons, you say? Well, I'll have a look out for some.Now, why don't you get yourself to the bar and I'll see if I can't find a slave monkey to take my bag to the dressing room?"_

"Yeah, that's what this madness needs - alcohol."

_"I couldn't agree more mate."_

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**Thanks for reading. xx**

**P.S it's called 'Roel Conversation' because me and my best friends use Roel as the collective name for Russell and Noel (because it's a collaboration of both their names - just in case you didn't work it out.)**


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